I am feeling so down. I found a picture from 3 years ago and man did that make me want to cry. I looked so happy and glowy. I remember we traveled with R to Texas to visit family and I was pregnant with L. I just felt good!
I am finding that coping with a chronic illness is way more mental/emotional then it is physical. I keep wishing back to several years ago or even 6 months ago when I didn’t know I had Lupus. Would it make any difference?
I remember still having symptoms and sometimes that was worse not knowing what was wrong. Having a diagnosis is just, I don’t know, a kick of reality. Like, hey you have this and it isn’t going away! You can’t ignore it! You must take the meds! I want to scream and then I want to be thankful. I am alive. I have a wonderful family who supports me. I live in the best possible state for having Lupus, the resources are exceptional as are the doctors. My illness is chronic not terminal. But still, such an emotional roller coaster.
It probably doesn’t help that I’ve spent a lot of time reading up on the internet. Darn internet. I started this blog because when I was first diagnosed all I could find were sad posts and negativity. I wanted a place that a newly diagnosed person could find and there would be positivity amongst the struggle. Ha! Not doing so great in that department.
But, I’m being real and that’s all I want at the end of the day. Truthfully, that is the hardest part. It’s hard for me to let others in and see that I’m struggling. I’m confident there will be sunshine soon, I just have to hurry and make it through the dark valley I’m in.
Adjust, accept, cope. Hoping today is a better day.
Oh Linds, I’m sorry.
I was diagnosed 8 years ago or so. For me it was a relief to finally know what was wrong with me. You are right that dealing with Lupus is a lot of emotional anguish. Every day is different and, at least for me, I don’t know from day to day how I will feel in the morning. But, God’s grace has brought me through so much. I know that I am a survivor, even though there are days that I want to throw in the towel. I am not a quitter. I have great kids and a great hubby. I know that God has brought me to this place for a reason, and each day He shows me something new about my self and who he wants me to be. I am learning that there is beauty in the messiness of life…life is not straight forward, and it isn’t always what we dreamed it would be when we were little. But we can always grow and learn and just live through what we are given! Being positive is a great start and will help you in your journey!
Thank you so much for reaching out! Yes, I think the hardest part is just not knowing how I’ll feel in the morning. But, it is also a lesson in letting go and allowing others to help me. If I’m not feeling well one day, the laundry not being folded is not going to cause a world crisis. It can wait, or I can ask for help! Definitely realizing that it is key to just take one day at a time.
Hope you are feeling well!
Lindsey